Wednesday Wondering - August 14, 2024

Scripture

Psalm 42: 1 - 3

As a deer longs for flowing streams, so my soul longs for you, O God.

My soul thirsts for God,    for the living God.When shall I come and behold the face of God?

My tears have been my food    day and night,while people say to me continually, “Where is your God?”

1Thessalonians 5: 16 - 18

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Reflection

Psalm 42 is the basis for one of my favourite sung Psalms, As The Deer Pants For The Water. It speaks to this idea that there is a longing within my soul for God. According to the Psalmist, this longing for God, comes in the midst of tears. How often have we found ourselves in the midst of tears in our own lives. There are times in our lives when we have faced those times in our lives when we experiencing such upheaval that we find ourselves in tears. Psalm 42 is, in essence, a prayer to God in the midst of those times of sorrow and angst. The second reading from 1Thessalonians builds on this idea of prayer, but speaks to the fact that prayer might not be something that someone does, but rather it is something that one lives.

I have been wondering about what prayer actually means. Some of you might remember this story, but I think that it bears repeating. I remember during my first class in theological college our instructor was concerned that students were not actually understanding the nuances that were being taught about our nature, the nature of being human, and God’s grace. So, to challenge us students, the instructor adapted an assignment during the last week of class. Each of the students for ministry would present a meditation, or sermon, based on scripture, and each lay student would offer a reflection of some sort, which did not have to based on a scripture passage. I was lucky enough to draw the first slot. I was tasked with writing and offering a meditation (sermon) with just less than 24 hours. In those, less than, 24 hours I was to; read the scripture in light of our course, craft a meditation that could not be less that 20 minutes long, and offer it to a classroom full of my fellow students, some of whom were already in their 5th year of classes and others, like myself, who were only starting the journey. It was a time that was full of stress and anxiety. Needless to say I made it through that class and all of my subsequent classes, but I didn't do any of this alone. After I presented my meditation (sermon) that following day in class, there was an open time for other students to ask us questions about our sermons.  I had a fellow student ask me a question that was very similar to the one that is being asked of Jesus in Luke chapter 11, I was asked; "How do we pray?" Jesus response to the question is to offer the those following him a template for entering into a space of prayer with God. I believe that what this in my class was asking individual was asking was how is one supposed to pray to God. The question was not scripted, nor did I, or anyone, know what this individual was going to ask and so I will be honest I was a bit stumped how to answer. In my mind I was wondering what authority did I have to instruct anyone on what prayer is, or should be. Finally, after I took a moment to collect my thoughts, I responded with a question of my own; "What does prayer mean to you?" What ensued was a conversation around prayer and how each of us will approach the idea of prayer in a way that is unique to each one of us. Prayer is something that is personal, but again is it something that only happens at one time, or is it something that we live.

I want to share with you something that I read, “Do you pray? I loved this interpretation of prayer. What is a prayer? Prayer doesn’t just happen when we kneel or put our hands together and focus and expect things from God. Thinking positive and wishing good for others is a prayer. When you hug a friend. That’s a prayer. When you cook something to nourish family and friends. That’s a prayer. When we send off our near and dear ones and say ‘drive safely’ or ‘be safe.’ That’s a prayer. When you are helping someone in need by giving your time and energy. You are praying. When you forgive someone by your heart. That is prayer. Prayer is a vibration. A feeling. A thought. Prayer is the voice of love, friendship, genuine relationships. Prayer is an expression of your silent being. Keep praying always.” Prayer is not just something that we do at church, or when we petition God in the midst of our tears. I believe that this is what Paul was getting at in his letter to the community at Thessaloniki. Paul was speaking of praying without ceasing, in other words we are called to embody prayer as a way of life. We are called to embody the voice of God’s love, friendship. care, compassion, and relationship, in all that we do and in that way, embody prayer in all that we do.

So often we see prayer as something that happens only at specific times of our lives, yet our lives doesn’t always happen at specific times. Life happens when we least expect it, so if we work to cultivate an ongoing prayer life then we are already engaged in prayer whatever might happen in our lives. To be engaged in ongoing prayer can help us to see God in our lives, even during those times when the tears have come. I have been so blessed in my life by meeting people, who in the midst of struggle and strife, have embodied prayer even in those difficult times. These blessed people have taught me the real meaning of prayer, to live it each and every day. I invite you to join me in prayer, every day.

Prayer

God, who hears our prayers, we know that you hear us. We know that you are calling us to prayer, not just when we find ourselves in times of stress and strife but each and every day. Help us to see that when we embody the love, compassion, and care of Christ we pray. Give us the wisdom to know that prayer is more that just something we do, but should be something that we live. We ask all of this in the name of the one who came to show us the way, your son, Jesus. Amen.

Wednesday Wondering - July 24, 2024

Scripture

Psalm 94:19

When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your comforts delight me.

Matthew 8: 28 - 29

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Reflection

The reading from Matthew was written to those who were feeling overwhelmed and burdened by the rituals required by the temple authorities. Jesus was offering them something that the temple wasn’t, Jesus was offering them peace and God’s love. Using a metaphor that the people would be familiar with, the metaphor of a yoke, Jesus was offering them rest when they were weary and I wonder if he was also offering them the chance to not always be so strong. You see those hearing Jesus’ words would know that a yoke was a way for the ox to share the load, it was also customary to place an experienced animal with a younger, inexperienced animal, and in that way it can slowly, and with less stress, learn how to do what it needed to do. Jesus was offering to the people a way to lighten their burdens, while learning to continue to move forward. Jesus was offering this strength so that those who were burdened did not have to be always be so strong. What does it mean for us to be strong in our world today? I believe that there are those who believe that they always have to be strong, to not be strong will reflect negatively on who they are and how they are living their lives. I wonder about our need to always be strong.

This is a challenging week for me. On July 24, 2013, a Wednesday, I was finishing my last week of my first year at the Atlantic School of Theology. While I was away at school my father was battling terminal cancer. That Wednesday evening I received a phone call from one of my brothers, who called to let me know that my father had taken a turn and the end was near. It was suggested that I do what I could to come home as soon as possible. I switched my flights from Saturday, July 27 to the Thursday, July 25, 2013. Being that it was a Wednesday evening the students had all gathered in the residence’s main floor lounge for Wine Wednesday. It was a time of community, laughter, and wine. I came downstairs to the lounge to let my fellow students know that I was going home early. One of my colleagues came to me, gave a big hug, and said to me, “it is time for you to go home, you have been strong for long enough, now is the time to let go and feel what you need to feel.” To be honest I know that the spectre of death had been over me for that entire time at school. My father had told me to go to school with us both knowing that there was a good possibility that he would pass before I returned. Knowing all of this I didn’t realize that I was being strong while I was away. I couldn’t see myself being strong, but others could see it. I didn’t realize that in being strong I really wasn’t living, it was taking all of my energy to be strong.

I wonder how often in our lives we don’t realize that we have spent too long trying to be strong, strong for ourselves, strong for others around us, just thinking that we must always be strong. I wonder how often when being strong we forget to breathe, we forget to truly live, we allow the stresses of the world to build up in our hearts, our minds, our souls? We have all had to be strong in our lives at different times. We have all gone through times of struggle and strife and if we were not strong, we feel that we might not have made it through those times. But do we have to be so strong all the time? Jesus is offering to us the opportunity to not always be strong. Jesus is saying that it is okay for us to be overwhelmed, for us to be confused, for us to tired. I remember reading a comment on social media that said something along the lines of this, “What doesn’t defeat you makes you stronger, I don’t want to be stronger, I want to be able to cry, to lament, to not always have to be strong.” Jesus is offering to opportunity to not always be so strong. Jesus is offering to us the support and love of God, who is always with us.

I think that when we believe we have to be strong all the time we forget that it is okay to ask for help. We forget that we have a whole community who is there, journeying with us, encouraging us, challenging us, and carrying us when we just can’t be strong anymore. I know that when I was told that I had been strong long enough, it almost felt like I was given permission to not be strong, to not be okay, and in that I was able to begin to grieve my loss. To not be strong, to ask for help, to not have it all together all the time, that is part of being human. So you have been strong long enough, now let each of us be strength for each other.

Prayer

God, of Wisdom and Strength, we ask for the courage to not be strong this day. We ask for the courage to reach out to those around us, those who love us, those who journey with us, and ask for help and strength from them. Help us to be there for those in our lives who are struggling, as we ask them to be there for us. Help us to also see that you are with us, offering that yoke that is light, helping us through the times of struggle and strife in our life. We ask this in the name of one who came to be your light in the world, your son, Jesus. Amen.

Wednesday Wondering - July 17, 2024

Scripture

1Corinthian 13: 8 - 13

Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

Reflection

Many of you might recognize the scripture for today, it is often used at weddings, as it speaks to all of the wonderful attributes of love. It speaks to the fact that love is patient, kind, not envious, and not boastful. I chose if for another reason and that is the idea of our seeing dimly in a mirror. Previously when I have read this scripture I have wondered about this part, what might this mean to us in our lives today. I believe that it speaks to a reality the many of us live within, the reality of understanding that we are always on a journey of self-discovery.

I want to share with you a quote I found, from an anonymous source; “Being on a spiritual path is not about swallowing your feeling and walking the Earth smiling and saying “love and light’ to people you meet. It’s not about carefully constructing a setting for your social media, where you perform a yoga pose with meditation music in the background. Being on a spiritual path means getting to know all of the parts of yourself, light and dark, so you can heal what hurts. It means working on ego and learned behaviours. It’s a deep dive into your soul. It’s being raw and vulnerable, and speaking your truth. It’s having respect not only for yourself, but for every living being. You may feel uncomfortable at times, but you’re supposed to, you are undoing years of programming and healing every part of your soul. That’s brave. You many feel lonely, you have woken up whilst everyone around you is still asleep. That’s okay, let them sleep, you keep going, keep walking your path and shine on like the divine being you are.”

I have often wondered about this idea of being on a spiritual journey. I used to say that I was on a spiritual journey, but in all honesty I didn’t really know what that truly meant. I see that, for me, being on a spiritual journey is to know that I am seeing myself dimly in that mirror. It is to understand that the me that I present to the world is a me that is layered with years of conditioning, expectations, challenges, and sometimes grief. It is a me that, in many ways, hides the real person underneath. It is a protection against the hurts of this world, but it also hinders me from fully becoming the person that I was create to be. To truly look at oneself, with all of the good, and the not so good. To look at the walls we have built around ourselves and to see why they exist. To open ourselves up to honestly look at ourselves, that is a spiritual journey. It is a journey of the soul. It is a journey where we learn to become all that we were created to be. It is a journey of fear, it is a journey of uncertainty, it is a journey where one must be brave enough to honestly look at oneself. It is a journey of healing.

Often times when we look in that mirror dimly we see a reflection of who the world wants us to be. When we embark on a true spiritual journey, we come to look in the mirror and we begin to see who God sees us to be, who God made us to be. It can be a journey from darkness to light, from hurt to healing. Many years ago I had an experience that shook the very foundations of what I believed. I wrote an article on the experience which was called, “Dark Journey of the Soul.” What I had seen, experienced, one dark October night began with my judgement of another. As I wrestled with this experience I can to understand that the one that I was judging, based on my own perceptions of myself, my own upbringing, my sense of worthlessness, was myself. This experience led me down a path of self-exploration where I was forced to look at myself and then look at who I was told I had to be. In the midst of that darkness I found the light of God’s love for me, as I am, as I was created to be.

To know only in part, but then to be known in full. To see ourselves dimly in that mirror, yet to know that God sees us as we were created to be. To know that our journey may take us through times of darkness, times of struggle, but to know that the greatest of these, Love, is with us always. These spiritual journeys that we take can change us, should change us, should challenge us to be who God created us to be, not who the world says we must be. I wonder, what is your journey and who do you see dimly in that mirror?

Prayer

God, of Infinite Love, we ask that you guide us on all of our journey. We ask that your presence be near and that you show us who you creates us to be. We ask for the courage to look honestly at ourselves, to see the good, and the not so good. We ask for the courage to become the people you call us, know us, to be. Help us to see ourselves as you see us, filled with the Divine Light of your love. We ask this in the name of Love Incarnate, your son, Jesus. Amen.