Wednesday Wondering - June 5, 2024

Scripture

1 Kings 19: 9 - 12

9When he got there, he crawled into a cave and went to sleep.

Then the word of GOD came to him: “So Elijah, what are you doing here?”

10“I’ve been working my heart out for the GOD-of-the-Angel-Armies,” said Elijah. “The people of Israel have abandoned your covenant, destroyed the places of worship, and murdered your prophets. I’m the only one left, and now they’re trying to kill me.”

11Then he was told, “Go, stand on the mountain at attention before GOD. GOD will pass by.”

A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before GOD, but GOD wasn’t to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but GOD wasn’t in the earthquake; 12and after the earthquake fire, but GOD wasn’t in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper.

Reflection

Our lives quite often ebb and flow, just like the tides. We have times, or days, in our lives when we are on the upward swing and it seems as if things are good. Then we have those other times, or days, when it seems as if nothing goes right, those days when it is a struggle to just exist. As much as this is true for each of us, it is also true for the world in general. It can be tough living in this world. There are wonderful things to celebrate, and then there are those times when the world feels so dark. One of my favourite movies is Contact, starring Jodie Foster. In the movie humanity receives a message from space giving instructions to build a machine. Eventually the machine is built and Ellie (Jodie Foster) enters the machine and has a life-altering experience. At one point during this experience she comes face to face with an alien who offers the following to Ellie, “You're an interesting species. An interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams, and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable, is each other.” We live in world of beautiful dreams and horrible nightmares and so many feel so lost right now.

The scripture I choose, from 1Kings, is a familiar scripture passage for us, as we just read it in church a couple of weeks ago, where we spoke about journeys. Elijah is afraid, his courage has fled and he fears for his very life. It is in this time when Elijah desires not to feel so alone, although in many ways he is alone. It is a dark place for Elijah and in some ways it is so unfamiliar that Elijah is lost, confused, and is very unsure of himself. It is a place where many of us have been as well. It is a place where we feel as if we have been abandoned and feel so alone.

When was the last time that you watched a sunset? No two are ever the same because sometimes the sky is painted in beautiful pastel colours and other times it if alive with fiery reds, oranges, and yellows. Although I love watching the sunset I love the feeling I get watching those dramatic fiery sunsets, they fill me with awe of God’s creation. The other morning I was up very early, as I usually am, and before it started raining, as the sun was coming up I walked into our kitchen. What I saw took my breath away. Outside, the sky appeared as if it was on fire. The sun, as it rose, lit the clouds with a beautiful fiery red and that, combined with the swirling clouds, made the sky look as if it had caught fire. It was absolutely stunning!

Elijah was comfortable talking to God. Elijah was also used to having God speak to him. But then Elijah, lost and alone, goes to that mountain expecting God will speak to him in a dramatic and fiery way, but when the hurricane came, God was not there. Then the earthquake came, God was not there. When the fire came, God was not there, where was God? God was in that gentle, quiet, whisper. How often in our lives have we hoped for that dramatic, sometimes fiery response from God? How often have we wanted even some response from God, when it seems as if God is is silent? How often have waited and waited only to think that God was not to be found? Maybe that’s because we forget that God sometimes comes to us in the unexpected ways, sometimes God comes to us in silence and whisper it is up to us to be open to finding God in those moments. When we are expecting the dramatic, it can be challenging to see the subtle.

What if God isn’t going to come to us in those dramatic, fiery, ways, but rather God comes to us in the most unexpected ways?  If God comes to us in the unexpected ways, will we hear God? If we only expect, want, God to come to us in a dramatic fashion, we may actually miss that God is, has been, and will always be with us. Elijah expected God in that earthquake, that wind, or that fire, but he did not expect God in that silence. Where do we expect to find God? Maybe God is in those places that we never expected, offering us comfort, care, and presence and we don’t even realize it. I read the following on social media the other day and I think that it is something we each  might want to think about, “ When I say, ‘I hope you’re okay, I mean; I know you’re not okay, but I hope that the sadness isn’t overwhelming you. That you can see cracks of light in the dark. That the shadows are letting you break and hurt and heal, without swallowing you up. And that you know you’re not alone, even in the moments when it really feels like you are.’” Maybe God is not those dramatic moments, but rather those moments when someone helps us to know that we are not alone, even when we feel lost and alone. Elijah found God in the silence, maybe we are challenged to find God in those unexpected places as well.

Prayer

God of gentle pastels and fiery reds, God of dramatic signs and quiet whispers, we come before you and ask that you open our hearts and our minds so that we come to see you in all your glory, the glory of drama and the glory of silence, help us to hear your voice in our lives leading us, supporting us, loving us, and calling us. We ask this in the name of the gentle shepherd, your son, Jesus. Amen

Wednesday Wondering - May 29, 2024

Scripture

Ephesians 3: 14 – 19

14For this reason I bow my knees before God, 15from whom every family in heaven and on earth takes its name. 16I pray that, according to the riches of God’s glory, God may grant that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through his Spirit, 17and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, as you are being rooted and grounded in love. 18I pray that you may have the power to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Reflection

We find ourselves in the middle of Pride Week, and I have been wondering about what this week means to me, and to the rest of the LGBTQ+ and two spirit community. I believe that it means many different things to many people, because Pride is very much an individual experience, although we come together to celebrate it with each other. For some this is a week to embrace their true identities, for some it is a chance to test the limits of who they think they are, for others it is a time of celebration, and for others it might just be a time to live vicariously through someone else who might be ‘out’ when they themselves feel as if they cannot be. Whatever this week means to members of the community, each individual has been on a journey that has brought them to where they are today.

The reality is that my journey to acceptance, acceptance of myself, has been a challenge. It has been a journey that has been filled with self-loathing and, dare I might say, self-hatred. It has been filled with lived expectations of others and society. It has been a journey of self-discovery and challenge. For many of us in this LGBTQ+ and two spirit community, we have lived lives full of challenge and struggle as we come to live as we believe we were created to be. It has been challenging for so many of us and that is why this week is so important. It is a time when we can not be afraid and in solidarity we come together to celebrate who God created us to be. The scripture from Ephesians reminds us all of God’s love and God’s call for us to love, but what does it mean to love? We quite often get bogged down in this world’s understanding of love, as something that is there to make us feel good, in some ways to benefit ourselves and our relationships, but  I think that the reading today challenges us to something more. In the midst of all the anger, hatred, bigotry, and violence that we have faced we remember that it is Pride Month, I think that there might be something for us to learn from this community, of which I am a part.

When I was growing up it was not unusual to hear the word “queer” being used as a derogatory term for members of the LGBTQ+ and two spirit communities. But in recent years the community, the LGBTQ+ and two spirit communities, have begun to reclaim the word and it has in some ways been reclaimed to its original meaning. The original definition of the word ‘queer’ was something that was different, strange, peculiar, something that was different from the ‘norm,’ something different than expected.  I wonder if this might be why the community is reclaiming this word, because in so many ways as a community we don’t fit into the ‘norm’ or what is expected. I think that it goes further than that and beyond this community as it might just reflect on everyone and why we might just be challenged to think of ourselves and how we are called to love in ‘queer’ ways.

The reading from Ephesians speaks to the hope that we might just be able to comprehend the breadth, length, height, and depth of God’s love. In other words this love of God is deeper, wider, bigger than what we expect love to be, what we currently understand love to be. The love of God goes beyond our expectation, it goes beyond our ‘normal’ understanding of love. God’s love might just be something that is very different from what we understand love to be and I think that in our world today we might just need that kind of love. We might need a love that is more expansive than our current understanding of love as we are faced with hatred, and racism, Islamophobia, homophobia, transphobia, and the continued marginalization of so many in our world. To love in a ‘queer’ way is to say that we will love differently, we will love, maybe, as God wants us too, calls us to love. We will love unexpectedly, we will love radically, we will exist in God’s love and bring this unexpected, radical love to the world. So in the midst of all that is happening I invite you to continue to love. I invite you to hear God’s call to love in unexpected, wider, deeper, and fuller ways. I invite you to ‘queer’ love.

Prayer

God of infinite love, help us to hear your call to love. Help us to hear your call to love, not as the world loves, but to love in a way that is deeper, wider, bigger, than the world’s definition of love. Give us the courage to love radically, to love as you love. Give us the strength to face all that the world brings to us continuing to heed your call to be people of deep, meaningful love. You call us to love those whom society has marginalized, those who have faced hatred and racism, those who might just not fit what society says is the ‘norm.” Help us to always live as people of great deep love each and every day. We ask this in the name of love incarnate, your son, Jesus. Amen.

Wednesday Wondering - May 22, 2024

Scripture

Philippians 4: 12 - 13

12 I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need. 13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

John 14: 27

27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.

Reflection

I have been wondering lately about this idea of struggle and healing. I believe that there is some real truth in the fact that we all have struggled at some point in our lives. In might be said that having to struggle is a fact of life. Yet, sometimes when we are in the midst of struggle, we wonder if we will ever be the same again. I think that when we find ourselves in the midst of struggle, and we have come through the struggle, we have been changed.

I read something on social media the other day that speaks to this idea, “My dad and I once had a disagreement over him using the adage ‘What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.’

I said, ‘That's just not true. Sometimes what doesn't kill you leaves you brittle and injured or traumatized’

He stopped and thought about that for a while. He came back later, and said, ‘It's like wood glue.’

He pointed to my bookshelf, which he helped me salvage a while ago.

He said, ‘Do you remember how I explained that, once we used the wood glue on them, the shelves would actually be stronger than they were before they broke?’

I did.

‘But before we used the wood glue, those shelves were broken. They couldn't hold up anything. If you had put books on them, they would have collapsed. And that wood glue had to set awhile. If we put anything on them too early, they would have collapsed just the same as if we’d never fixed them at all. You've got to give these things time to set.’

It sounded like a pretty good metaphor to me, but one thing I did pick up on was that whatever broke those shelves, that's not the thing that made them stronger. That just broke them. It was being fixed that made them stronger. It was the glue. So my dad and I agreed, what doesn't kill you doesn't actually make you stronger, but healing does. And if you feel like healing hasn't made you stronger than you were before, you're probably not done healing. You've got to give these things time to set.”

The scriptures also could be understood to be related to the idea of struggle. Paul’s letter to the community at Philippi speaks to the idea that we can come through our struggles if we rely on the one who strengthens us. The reading from John speaks to this idea that Christ came to give us peace, not the peace that we would expect from the world, but something more and in recognizing this we are to trust in this peace so that even in the midst of struggle and strife we are not to let our hearts be troubled and not be afraid. I understand how much of a challenge this is, not to allow our struggles to overwhelm us, but maybe it is not about letting our struggles to overwhelm us, but rather maybe it is to understand that we might be overwhelmed, but even if we are overwhelmed, God will be there to help carry us through. We oftentimes think that we have to be strong in the face of struggles, but maybe it is important to know that there might be times when our strength may wane, but God is always there with us. It is much like that poem,

“Footprints In The Sand” where the author saw only one set of footprints during the most difficult of times, only to be told that those were times that they were carried.

I wonder if when we think that that which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger we enter times of struggle as if they are battles that we must win. If we understand that is isn’t the struggle that makes us stronger, but rather the healing that allows us to become stronger, we stop focusing on the struggle and rather focus on the healing. I read the following, “I love calm people - the ones who use their words to heal rather than hurt, who are patient when challenged, who prioritize peace over seeking validation, and who try their best not to cause anyone any harm. These are the people I resonate with most.” To see struggle as a fact of life, something that will come to each of us throughout the course of our lives, is important. To understand that in the midst of struggle we are never alone, that God is always with us, journeying with us through those times of struggle in our lives, gives us some hope. To see that is not the struggle that makes us stronger but rather the healing that comes after the struggle, that is what makes us stronger, can help us to understand struggle in a new way, not as that which is the focus of our lives, but that which we go through and it is what is on the other side that really matters. To enter times of struggle, with patience, not allowing the struggle to make us angry, hard-hearted, and hurtful, allows us to see that struggle should not hold sway over our entire lives. Yes, times of struggle are difficult, they are hurtful, they cause us pain and suffering, but knowing that as we struggle, God struggles with us can help us through these times and we can move toward a time of healing. To struggle is to be human, to heal is to be stronger, and that is what is important.

Prayer.

God of presence, we ask for your presence during all times of our lives, the times of joy and celebration, the times of struggle and strife. We ask for the patience to come through those times of struggle in our lives. We also ask for the courage to find healing once we have come through the struggle. We ask for the faith to know that you are always with us, throughout it all. We ask all of this in the name of the who came to be present with us, your son, Jesus. Amen.