Wednesday Wondering - March 20, 2024

ScriptureRevelation 21: 3 - 5

3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,     “See, the home of God is among mortals.      He will dwell with them;      they will be his peoples,      and God himself will be with them;   4 he will wipe every tear from their eyes.      Death will be no more;      mourning and crying and pain will be no more,      for the first things have passed away.”5 And the one who was seated on the throne said, “See, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

Reflection

I have been wondering a lot about sadness lately. That is not to say that I have been thinking about depression, but rather this idea of a sadness that is pensive and thoughtful. It can be challenging when one finds themselves in a place of sadness because in many ways the world doesn't do well with sadness. When we are feeling sad quite often those around us believe that they need to pressure us to find happiness, to find something other than the sadness in our lives. Society continually tells us that happiness needs to be our ultimate goal that we should all be happy and our lives will then be fine. I also believe that in this world of social media many people don't know how to interact with sadness.

There was a post that was found on Facebook that stated, "May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook." Rosalind Lewis, who is an educator in mental health, reflects on this statement in the following way, "I don't think it is so much that people pretend; it's more that people generally don't put on Facebook the struggles they have in life." In many ways we come to understand that the world does not understand our sadness. That to be sad in the world is not appropriate. In a world that affirms happy feelings, materialistic success, career achievements, academic qualifications, beauty and youth it is difficult to find space to speak about our feelings of struggle, emotional pain, and loneliness, growing older and just plain feeling sadness. The reality is that there is much in the world that can bring feelings of grief and sadness in our lives. There are many who feel disappointment in regards to lost opportunities. There are many who feel sadness because of how our lives have not turned out as they had hoped. Many of us feel deep sadness because of the challenges that we face due to so many events that are taking place in this world. We are all also struggling due to the ever present, on-going; violence that has affected all of our lives.

I think that there are many of us who recognize that sadness dances in our souls, and I believe that that is okay. It is okay to embrace the fact that we are sad, that sometimes finding happiness can be challenging in our lives. The scripture from Revelation reminds us that God is indeed present in our world right now. It gives us comfort because it helps us to see that even in our times of sadness God is among us, not pressuring us to change, but rather journeying with us in our times of sadness. So we can be sad, knowing that God is always with us. It is that comfort, knowing that we are not alone in our sadness that can help us to be okay, even when we are sad, for it is okay for us to acknowledge our sadness. It is okay for us to be sad at times and God is with us when we do.

But there is also something that each of us can do in the face of sadness, we can offer the gift of our presence. Ullie Kay, the poet, speaks to our role in the following way, “ the best medicine you can bring for sadness is not joy. It is not telling them that they need to move on or get over it or realize how much worst things could be. No. The medicine for a spirit in mourning is tenderness and warmth and compassion and connection and presence. Sit with someone in their grief and let them cry their ugly tears. Do not shine and scurry grief away. They must walk through it. This is love. To abandon all that we think we know and be so full of grace that we are invited in to partake in someone else’s darkest moments. What an honour it is to simply be a light. The antidote for sadness is love, it is always love.” To allow sadness to exist in our lives and in the lives of others is important.

I would like to end with another quote from Rosalind Lewis, "Today on a ride into the city on the tram, the sole of my boot was touching the plastic seat opposite me. An older man came towards me. I moved my foot for him to sit down. He very deliberately took out a tissue and wiped the plastic where the sole of my shoe had been. 'I'm sorry,' I said. He muttered very sternly, 'and so you should be!' and not a smile flickered upon his face. Feeling duly told off, I imagined the crust that covered over his sadness of spirit - the crust of bitterness, cynicism, and anger. I would rather be in touch with my sadness, painful as it is to feel, lest when I am old, I become bitter like him. For sadness keeps my heart soft."

Prayer

God of Infinite Presence, let me be sad. Give me the courage and strength to know when I am sad and to put words to my sadness in a world that would rather only speak to happy things. Give me knowledge that you are always with me, in those times of joy and celebration, but also in those times of grief and sadness. Help me to feel your gentle presence with me, supporting me, guiding me when I struggle. Give me the wisdom to know that it is okay to feel sad at times, that life can be difficult, but that we are never alone. We ask this in name of the one who came to walk with us, your son, Jesus. Amen.

Wednesday Wondering - March 13, 2024

Scripture

Psalm 147: 3

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Matthew 5: 3 - 4

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

John 14: 27

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

Reflection

I have been thinking a lot lately about how difficult it can be in our world these days. I watch the news (yes, I know it always seems to be bad news), I drive through the city and we are faced with so many problems and very few answers it seems. I have been wondering how we are even able to think about moving forward. So then I received a text from a good friend of mine that simply said “DUDE!” The next text I received stated, (“Dude” is an un-gendered cry for help in attempting to understand humanity in my language). There have been so many times when I have just been driven to saying “DUDE!” When I have been so confused, amazed, speechless, and just overwhelmed by what is happening in the world and what some people are doing. My friend then sent an un-credited quote from a random movie, “We stay alive for each other, that’s what we do.” So I have come to realize that I am not the only one who is struggling with the world today. There are many who struggle with the world and what is happening.

But then I add into this my own reactions and I realize, as I like to point out in my meditations at church, that I am broken myself. I see how my own reactions to things can, and do, add to the brokenness of this world. The scriptures speak to the fact that even in our brokenness, in our imperfection, we are loved by God. When we are brokenhearted, when we fall short, when we don’t have a clue what we might be doing, God is with us, loving us, caring for us, and trying to lift us. It is interesting to me that we, as humans, are complex and, in some ways, contradictory individuals. My friend who sent me the texts also sings an amazing version of the song “What A Wonderful World.” Listening to her sing you know that she believes every word that she is singing, and yet she still struggles deeply with the world and all of the challenges. It is part of being human I suppose, that we can laugh and cry, that we can be angry and joyful, be ill-tempered and patient, be short and kind, all at the same time, and sometimes I wonder how we move forward.

So, as I was writing this in my office someone came in with, as they put it, a humbling and life-altering experience, which I have been given permission to share with you all. This individual usually goes to their neighbours and collects the paper and, on garbage day, brings out their bins for their neighbour. Being that the days have gotten warmer, we know that there has been lots of water around and that turns into ice over nice, and it has been hazardous to walk. Well my friend has ice at the bottom of their driveway, so they grabbed a cane with a spike on the end, and were slowly penguin walking across the ice at the end of their driveway. A taxi came down the street, stopped, and the driver got out and asked if my friend needed help. My friend said that they were just going across the street to get a paper and to move the garbage bins out. The taxi driver said not to worry that they would do that for my friend. So, the taxi driver did exactly that. Now my friend did not know the taxi driver, but random act of kindness impacted them greatly.

So I wonder if as humans we have to remember that in midst of all the struggles of this world, God is still with us. This brings me to a final quote that I found, once again uncredited, “Whenever I start thinking that somebody is too far gone for God to save, I look in the mirror and remember where I came from.” In the midst of my brokenness, God has used me. God sometimes uses the most unlikely of persons to remind us that we are not alone, that there is more than what we see. When this happens it can have a profound affect on us, as it had on my friend. When one random act of kindness occurs in our lives and in the world it can redeem us all. So yes, the world is difficult right now, but God is with us in our suffering, in our fear, in our struggles, in our joy, in our lament, in our laughter, God is alway there. So I wonder if maybe things might just get better if only we find God in the midst of it all.

Prayer

God of infinite mystery, we ask that you be with us now, in the midst of this world that if full of so many struggles. We ask that you give us the courage to continue to move forward. We ask that you give us wisdom to see those little acts that show that you are still at work in the world, even when we can’t feel it. We pray that we might be your compassionate, loving, caring, presence in the midst of so much darkness. We ask all this in the name of Love Incarnate, your son Jesus. Amen.

Wednesday Wondering - February 28, 2024

Ecclesiastes 3: 1 – 8

1For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

2    a time to be born, and a time to die;

    a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

3    a time to kill, and a time to heal;

    a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4    a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

    a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5    a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

    a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6    a time to seek, and a time to lose;

    a time to keep, and a time to throw away;

7    a time to tear, and a time to sew;

    a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8    a time to love, and a time to hate;

    a time for war, and a time for peace.

Reflection

I have been wondering this past week about the many emotions that I have been faced with, and the reality is that many of them are contradictory emotions. I was in a car accident on Monday morning and although I was frustrated, with both myself and the other driver, I did not let my frustration impact the way that I dealt with the other driver. I have lived a life where getting angry, showing frustration, has been frowned upon, so I tend to bottle those ‘negative’ emotions up and just push them down, rather than deal with them. I have often wondered if this is the way that I should be dealing with them, or is there a better way?

For many of us this is a well-known piece of scripture and often times we pull these particular passages out when one whom we have loved has died. But I also think that these verses speak deeply to us in our everyday lives. I would like to share a story from Rabbi Brian Zachary Mayer:

A few years before children and my beloved minivan, I sit behind the wheel of my red Acura TSX in a line of cars waiting to enter a parking garage. Yet another opportunity to practice patience.

Soon enough, I am next to the man in the booth.

“$10,” he says.

I give him a twenty and an “I thank you.”

He adds my money to the large stack of bills in his hand. I wonder how it feels to hold that wad of cash. He hands me a ten and a receipt and presses the button to lift the gate.

Before I press the gas, I notice the sign behind him.

$8 FOR THE FIRST TWO HOURS.

“Hey, I’m not going to be here longer than an hour,” I say.

His gaze is fixed off towards the distance. Silence. He says nothing.

I try a more direct approach: “Can I get the $2 back? I’m not going to be here longer than an hour.”

“You didn’t tell me,” he says sharply.

I counter, “I’m telling you now.”

“You didn’t tell me when you came. No refund.”

He points to the sticker on his booth: NO REFUNDS GIVEN.

“Come on,” I say. And I wait.

He is better at this game than I am.

The car behind me, seeing that no transaction is happening and that the gate has already lifted, gives a polite honk.

“I’d like your supervisor’s number,” I say.

Nothing. He is stone-faced. He knows that I’m probably not going to spend the time to call, even if he gives me the right number.

A chorus of beeps and a shout come from behind me.

I refer to him using profanity,  as I punch the gas and leave to find a parking spot.

I chastise myself for losing my cool, remind myself that I am human, and then chastise myself again for not being able to just let it go. It’s just $2. And my outrage seems ridiculous. After all, I had just given $5 to a woman standing on the freeway off-ramp.

A phone call to Marla (ROTB’s longest-serving board member) sets me straight. She says, “You have every right to be angry. You were ripped off.”

And that’s when I realize it: telling myself that I shouldn’t be upset when I am upset does not help.

In fact, it makes it worse.

I would be horrified to hear a parent tell their upset child “Just get over it.”

Yet I do that to myself.

How often in our own lives do we not give ourselves the grace to feel exactly what we are feeling at the moment? How often do we resort to negative self-talk, rather than allowing ourselves to feel what we might be feeling, berating ourselves for feeing a certain way? My parents always told me that our emotions are neither good nor bad, they just are, but it is what we do with them that matters. The reading from Ecclesiastes reminds us that there is a time for everything under God’s sun. There is a time when we might be angry. There is a time when we might be sad. A time for us to grieve. Pretending that we are not allowed to feel these emotions doesn’t help us, it only stops us from processing them. I think that many of us could honestly say, that we have been through a lot in the course of our lives. It is okay to feel sad, confused, angry, tired. It is okay to not be okay.

In God’s creation there is time for it all. To know that we are not alone in how we feel can help us to accept that we can feel what we feel. To know that God knows all of our feelings can allow us to truly feel them and then process and move beyond them. There is a time for everything, we just need to recognize that that time might be right now, what we are feeling right now. To not allow ourselves to feel only hurts ourselves. So I invite you to not tell yourself that you don’t have a right to be upset when you are upset. I invite you to have compassionate self-talk. To speak to yourself with a softer, gentler voice that tells you that it is all right to feel exactly as you feel. To examine those feelings so that you might come to understand them more, not hide them away like they don’t exist. God comes to us with compassion and love, let us come to ourselves with compassion and love as well.

Prayer

God of all seasons and of all times. Help us to remember that you come to us in love. That you come to us with compassion challenging us to be people of love and compassion in our own lives. Help us to remember that this also means that we are called to be loving and compassionate to ourselves. Help us to remember that there is a time for everything in your creation. Give us the strength and courage to face what we are dealing with in our own lives, to feel all that we are experiencing in a way of love and compassion for ourselves and those around us. We ask this in the name of the one who walked the dusty roads offering love and compassion to all, your son, Jesus. Amen.